One of my favorite lines from my all-time, hands down, no doubt about it favorite movie…”Out of Africa”. I can’t even drive five miles into town these days so I spend most of my time in my courtyard, with my laptop and my puppies, trying to stay in touch with the world. This morning, as I drank my tea , I chatted online with friends in the Philippines and Canada….and a good friend from high school. Last night I chatted with a friend in Denmark. What an amazing thing it is to be able to sit and occupy the same small space, every single day, and yet mentally travel around the world…… I can go online and visit places that I’ve only dreamed of and revisit places that I’d like to see again….and I’m perfectly content….almost….
I recently read Mayflower by Nathaniel Philbrick….well, I read half of it. By the second half it got to be “The pilgrims had this many guns and cannons and the indians had this many arrows and guns….blah, blah, blah” and, frankly, when they start talking about war and military strategy and that kinda stuff my mind starts to wander. I want to know what it was like to live in those times. I’m a Mayflower descendant, thirteen generations removed from Stephen Hopkins and his daughter, Constance, who made that trip centuries ago. As I read the book, I just kept thinking “The pilgrims were NUTS!!!” They willingly climbed into a little, bitty boat and taking a huge leap of faith, traveled across a vast ocean to end up who knows where under who knows what conditions! Can you imagine that!!!?? I don’t even book a hotel room without first going online and viewing the virtual tour to see if its a place where I’d actually like to stay! And imagine Karen Blixen, sailing to Africa from Denmark….she couldn’t go online and check the place out first….”Do I really want to grow coffee?”, “Just how many lions live right outside my door?” “Just exactly how hot does it get…..I’d better check weather.com”.
I just can’t imagine having the courage to uproot myself like that and start a whole new life with so little information to base that decision upon. I could do it, I know….I’m a tough little character…..but I’d want to take my laptop with me!
I’m reading Out of Africa now. It’s a book that I’ve picked up many times but never quite gotten into. I was meant to read it now….and I love it. It’s beautifully written prose….primarily about the landscape and the natives. I was googling the other day, looking for pictures to accompany my reading and discovered that there’s also a biography of Denys Finch Hatton (Too Close to the Sun by Sara Wheeler) so I”m reading it at the same time and it is also very well written. I love memoirs and biographies. I love to read about extraordinary people who find the inner strength to live the life that they were meant to live.
There’s a line in Isak Dinesen’s book….”Here I am, where I ought to be”. I love that line….and I use it to remind myself that there’s a reason for all that I’ve been going through….I’m where I ought to be….and I’ll be stronger for it.
Isn’t this a pretty setting? Doesn’t it make you feel relaxed and peaceful? Me, too. Unlike my visit with the neurologist today….
Well, actually it wasn’t that bad. Larry had to drive me, of course, and rather than sitting quietly in the waiting room, he came with me to the examination room. My “Physician’s Assistant”, Dwayne, and I went through the usual exam routine, talked about what I’d experienced since going on the AED’s, etc. The “Simple Partial Seizure?” that I had during the Livestrong 5K was a concern so when my neurologist joined us, it was decided that we should increase my dosage again….to 1500 mg of Keppra, twice a day. Then, the three men chatted amongst themselves about the fact that this dosage might make me cranky and Larry is to notify them if my attitude becomes a problem. Well….that, of course, made me cranky. What woman wants to sit and listen to three men chat amongst themselves about whether she’s a bitch or not (excuse my language but, A-I am a dog breeder, after all, and B-we’ve already established the fact that I’m cranky). And…once again I was lectured about the fact that I shouldn’t drink tea, but once again I pointed out that tea was all I had left. I’d rather not eat, I’ve given up coffee, I drink very little wine….the one thing that I have left that I enjoy is green tea…..”and I’m gonna drink green tea if I want to!” So…that’s the latest. We’re gonna see how I do on massive doses of Keppra and if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to try something else.
On a random, unrelated note…..did any of you watch America’s Got Talent last night? I watched it for the first time and frankly, I was concerned that I might have nightmares about overweight, middle aged men in spandex last night. That couple with the hoop….well, that was just disturbing! And the “Purple Couple”, the tiny woman and her 240 pound husband…..well, Larry and I wondered if we could reenact that and Amanda, understandably, found that disturbing. OOOHHHH!…..and the man who put the hook and the power drill in his nose…..I didn’t need to see that!!! And yet….I’ll probably watch part two this evening……
On Sunday, June 21st, I participated in the Livestrong Challengen Seattle 5K walk. I had originally signed up to participate in the 10 mile bike ride but, having been recently diagnosed with epilepsy, that didn’t seem like a good idea. If I can’t drive a car, I probably shouldn’t be on a bike. This was the first time that I’ve participated in an event like this and I had a great time. Congratulations to Livestrong, the event organizers and the volunteers for putting on a great event to raise money to fight cancer and raise awareness of cancer survivorship.
My dad, a prostate cancer survivor, my mom and my daughter, Amanda, joined me on the walk. Throughout the walk, I thought of those whose lives have been touched by cancer and I gave thanks for each of you who have been such a great support to me over the last 20 months.
I continue to struggle with my health and actually had a simple partial seizure while on the walk. Since my seizure in February, I’ve had several episodes during which I experience flashing thoughts/visions (or hallucinations) that have nothing to do with what’s going on around me or what I’m thinking about. I don’t lose consciousness during these episodes but they are a bit disconcerting. The episode during the walk was the first that I’ve experienced since going on medication so it’ll be something that I need to discuss with my neurologist tomorrow.
I’ve had a difficult time with nausea and dumping syndrome over the last 10 days or so. When I’m not lying down or in the bathroom, I’m trying to catch up on chores and bills. Thank you to everyone who has written to me over the last couple of weeks. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to reply but I’ve been so grateful for all of your cards and messages! Thank You!
Cancer changes your life, not only when you’re in the midst of the battle, going through chemo or radiation, but long afterward as well. I’ve been in remission since last October when surgery removed my tumor and left me with a much smaller stomach and a reconstructed digestive system. This year has been much more difficult than last as I struggle to keep weight on and keep food in my body. I’ve spent this week in a constant rotation from bed to bathroom to beagles to breakfast table (eight months later, dumping syndrome is still a frequent problem). I need a belt to hold up my size 0 jeans and….really!!!….a B cup is just wishful thinking!
But I didn’t start this post to complain….I want to celebrate! On Sunday I’ll walk in the Livestrong Challenge in Seattle in honor of my own fight with cancer and in honor of those who have inspired me: friends and family who have fought their own battle with cancer and the friends, family and even virtual strangers who have reached out in support of those fighting this disease.
A very dear friend of mine begins cancer treatment on Monday. My advice to him? Maintain a positive attitude and a sense of humor…and know that there are amazing things being done in cancer treatment! My advice to those with a loved one facing cancer? Reach out frequently and let them know that you’re thinking of them. They may not always be able to reply but knowing that you care can mean so much!
At 8 am on Sunday, Amanda and I will walk in honor of those whose lives have been touched by cancer…..and with a special prayer of thanks for those who have been my support over the last 20 months. Thank You!!!!
Those who know me well know that one of my favorite places in the world is the courtyard in front of our house. It’s nothing special to the average person, I suppose, but it’s where I like to go for quiet time. I listen to the birds sing, the bees buzz, I enjoy the many flowers that are blooming (including a rose from my grandmother’s much loved garden) and the warmth of the sun on my face. This morning I sat with my cup of tea (don’t tell my neurologist!), finished my book, then reflected on the wonderful weekend that just passed….
My good friend, Kathy, was my transportation for the weekend and we had such a good time talking on our drive down to Oregon and back. We laughed and shared some idiosyncracies….among them, my license plate game. Few things can brighten my day like finding my next license plate and I will scream wildly when the next plate is spotted. Kathy needed to be warned of this as we set off for the weekend. As we set off for home yesterday, she told me that she found herself looking, over the weekend for “000″ and my next number “516″. With an hour left to go on our way home yesterday, there it was…..”516″….and I shrieked with delight. Fortunately, Kathy had been forewarned so she wasn’t too startled and then, moments later, we both saw “517″….both shrieking and then laughing….. It was fun to share with her the silly little things that make us happy and have meaning in our lives…..and which might seem so insignificant to others.
I shared with her, too, that I love peonies and had planted a couple of peonies last summer. They bloomed last week and they’re beautiful but, silly me, I had chosen a variety without fragrance!!!! When we got to Kathy’s house, it was filled with beautiful, fragrant peonies from their garden and Kathy sent me home with some…..thank you, Kathy!!!
I share something else with Kathy (well, many things, really, but just one more that I’ll share here). For one reason or another, Kathy has been Herbie’s ride home every time that he has gone Best in Show. Yesterday Herbie won the Cascade Hound Show under breeder/judge, Skip Herendeen…..a wonderful win with some top hounds represented in the group. BIS/BISS CH. Jabrwoki’s Le Jazz Hot, sire of my February litter, also place in the group on both Saturday and Sunday and Herbie’s “Danish cousin”, Thomas (who I recently bred to my bitch, Ava) represented the 15″ variety on Saturday and earned a G4. It was a great weekend and a great chance to spend time with friends.
I’ll stay put for the next month or so….doing a little gardening, trying to put on some weight and enjoying my puppies. I’ll take my Jazz puppies to a fun match next weekend and look forward to the next beagle specialty in July. I’m adjusting well to my new medication, although I had a rather rough night last night. What I’m able to eat or drink one night may be very different from what I can eat or drink the next and the amount that I can handle can vary so much. I have my “fuzzy” moments and spells of dizziness and nausea when I just try to sit and behave myself….and not tip over.
I’ve been craving raspberries lately….any fruit really. Fruit is light and easier on my stomach. I had Cheerios for breakfast this morning and had to lie down for an hour afterward until the feelings of nausea subsided….but I have to keep eating. I weighed 114 pounds this morning, a weight that I’ve only reached once before. I try to maintain 117 – 120 pounds and I start to get worried when I get down to 114. So…I’ll be force feeding myself today….
I seem to be tolerating my seizure medication (Keppra) better. I’m now taking 750 mg/twice a day and next week I’ll increase my dose to 1000 mg/twice a day. I experience some sleepiness, some mild nausea, some difficulty swallowing and my energy level is low. But….my head is a bit clearer and I’m not sleeping ALL of the time…so that’s an improvement.
I’ll be headed south to the Portland area later this afternoon with Luigi’s mom, Kathy. I’ll be showing Herbie this weekend……and I’m just glad that he knows what he’s doing. I hope that I’ll have the stamina to keep up with him.
, I chatted online with friends in the Philippines and Canada….and a good friend from high school. Last night I chatted with a friend in Denmark. What an amazing thing it is to be able to sit and occupy the same small space, every single day, and yet mentally travel around the world…… I can go online and visit places that I’ve only dreamed of and revisit places that I’d like to see again….and I’m perfectly content….almost….
