About Me….

I love to read.  It comes naturally, I suppose.  My grandmother was a first grade teacher; my grandfather was a librarian.  I was surrounded by books at a very early age and today, if you ask me what I’m reading, I’ll point to a stack of books, not knowing where to begin.  I have a particular fondness for biographies and memoirs, historical fiction and travel essays and while I have strong sense of self, of my own place in the world and the journey that I am on, I’ve always been fascinated by the interplay of people, events, time and fate on the lives of others.  My own story, for the first half of my life, had been a pretty ordinary American life but, quoting Dante, “midway along the journey of my life, I awoke to find myself in a dark wood”.  I was told that I had cancer…..and thus began my blog.

While I had always loved to read, I had never had that same passion for writing and I was equally surprised to find myself both the subject of my own memoir and enjoying the process of writing it.  My blog began in November 2007 when, at the age of 45, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  I had a tumor in my stomach and my blog allowed me to keep in touch with family and friends over the course of the next year as I went through two courses of chemotherapy, both of which failed to eradicate the cancer.  In October 2008, I had a partial gastrectomy which removed the tumor in my stomach along with 1/3 of my stomach and the vagus nerve, leaving me with a forever altered digestive system….but, the cancer was gone.  I had read Lance Armstrong’s memoir “It’s Not About The Bike” while going through chemo in 2008 and it had been a turning point for me.  I was determined to spend 2009 regaining my health.  I wanted to be well, I wanted to support other cancer survivors, I wanted to support LiveStrong and ride in the LiveStrong Challenge in June 2009.  I joined a gym and worked out daily but I had to be very sensible about it.  My new digestive system only allowed me to eat 1300 calories per day so I didn’t have a lot of extra calories to burn but slowly, very slowly, I was making progress, until……

On February 23, 2009, I had a grand mal seizure.  I had another grand mal seizure on May 24th and a third on September 8th.  I still participated in the Livestrong Challenge in June but I decided that the 5K walk would be a better choice for someone with epilepsy than the 10K bike ride.  The diagnosis with epilepsy was a new and unanticipated setback.  I had battled cancer and won.  I wanted to get well; I wanted to get on with my life.  Instead, I spent another year learning the ins and outs of a new illness, an illness that this time frequently robbed me of not only my body but of my mind.  Still struggling with dietary issues and trying to maintain my weight following the partial gastrectomy, I now lost my ability to drive until the seizures were under control.  Living in the country at the end of a dead end road, my laptop, my blog and my Facebook page were my link to the outside world for the remainder of 2009.  When the effects of a seizure or a new medication left my mind in a fog, the inability to communicate, to craft articulate sentences or even to spell was incredibly frustrating.  It was a long, lonely year.

It’s now 2010 and my cancer is in remission, my seizure medication seems to be working, and I’m working on a book.  My story isn’t over, in fact, the most difficult part of my journey lies ahead…but I welcome that challenge and I’ll rise to it.  In the books that I read, I’m most inspired by people who live their lives with passion and I’m determined to make the most of my life.  I’m driving again, I’m back in the gym, slowly building my strength and stamina and I’m ready to get on with my life.  As I walked my dogs on Christmas Eve and looked up at the stars in Heaven, God gave me my mantra for 2010…

…live with hope

…live with compassion

…live with Peace

…liveStrong

…die in the act of living

Life goes on…..