Blog Now, Fog Later….

It’s a beautiful sunny morning and, as usual, I sit at my desk, looking south, watching the planes fly east, wondering where they are going. Some are headed to Europe and I long to be on one of them. Longing for a change of scenery beyond the ever changing cloud formations or the changing of the seasons….

….but I love fall…..and September is my favorite month of the year. I love the crispness in the morning air, the fall colors as the leaves begin to turn, scones at the Puyallup fair (….must chat with Larry about “Doing the Puyallup” this year), making pots of soup…..and fires in the fireplace. I have a lot to be happy about. Herbie became a grandfather last night with arrival of a new litter at Pun Kotzky on the east coast and I have my own litter of four red & white puppies here at home. We have what we need for today…”give us this day our daily bread”…and I feel happy and rested….and lucid….this morning.

Later today, I’ll add new meds to my routine, continuing with the 1500 mg of Keppra twice a day and adding to that 50 mg of Lamictal. Lamictal can cause a severe rash so the transition from Keppra to Lamictal must be done very slowly, very carefully. There are other meds, of course, and lots of supplements, but these are the meds that affect me the most. These are the ones that will hopefully stop the seizures.

Anti-seizure meds (AED’s) come with a whole host of side effects including fatigue, depression, dizziness, insomnia and over time your body adjusts to them….but I expect to be “out of it” in the days and weeks ahead. Perhaps I’ve been fortunate….(I know that I’ve fought hard)….to maintain a positive attitude as my body has adjusted to the Keppra. I hope that I’ll tolerate the Lamictal well, too. There are days when I’m depressed and unmotivated but….fortunately….those days are rare. I ask myself each day to remain positive, to do something productive and to be patient with myself. There’s so much to do but I’m not always physically or mentally able to do what I needs to be done. I can be fine one day and have difficulty concentrating the next. I can start the day positive and motivated but need a nap or something to boost my mood in the afternoon. The inability to drive is perhaps the hardest to deal with…..losing the freedom to run to the store when I need to, to go to the mall or Starbucks for a change of scenery, to take a puppy to the vet….always dependent on Larry to take me where I need to go.

I long for a sense of accomplishment, too. To do something productive, to help someone else… I continue to blog, I can do that at least. The e-mail that I’ve received from around the world has meant so much to me, knowing that sharing my story has helped someone else through a difficult time.

So I wanted to write this morning, while my thoughts are still clear, while I’m still able to focus on what I’m writing. I’m OK….I have puppies that need me and a stack of books to read…..

….and I’ll check in again tomorrow……


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